2011 day 7, installment 7

2011 day 7, installment 7
I don’t think that I mentioned the food since I got here. That may be because there isn’t any. They do give us stuff that we ingest, but mostly it’s what Jeff calls ‘mystery grub’. Friday night we always have fish and ugali…this last Friday being no exception. I was concerned whether we had any fish, but Jeff quieted my anxiety and told me that he had saved some fish from when we were here in October. I need to tell you that fish is not like fine wine….aging does not have a desirable effect. The good thing was that once I got my skill saw out and cut off some ugali, and put the “fish” on it, something remarkable happened. Now you that have endured this blog from the beginning (shame on you) know that ugali has zero flavor and actually has the capacity to suck any flavor out of anything it gets near…..see where I’m going with the “fish”?? Much to my surprise, and tenacious chewing, the ‘dinner’ was consumed and I was free to move on to find some other disgusting things to involve myself in.
Saturday morning started at the beginning of the day, which isn’t unusual here. My initial thought was, “ I hope that ugali digests before next Friday”. Then as is my custom, I slicked back the hair coming out my ears and combed the longer nose hairs into my mustache…now I was ready to get to it….today’s task…to find a new hiding place, as these little buggers are like bloodhounds and are hard to avoid….I think they can smell me. (Note to self..stop using my cologne..Deet). Jeff had other ideas and asked me for a urine sample. “any particular reason?” I asked, fearing that he suspected that I had picked up some terminal tropical disease…knowing that I have not built up a complete immunity to various snot related conditions. “Just checking the blood level to see if you are ready to go another round with Toyota and the “roads”. he says with a straight face. “Why,,, did I do something to offend you again?” I respond. “That goes without saying” he says, “but we have bigger fish to fry”. “Pleeeeze don’t mention fish.” I plead. “Today is the day that we go to town and buy the school age kids new shoes for school, we do it once a year in January or February.” Not withstanding the pictures you have seen of all the African children going barefoot with distended stomachs, here the kids wear nice leather shoes to school. Oh, they have distended stomachs, but not from starvation….it”s actually the undigested ugali. So, waiting until the outside temperature rose to an almost unbearable point, Jeff and Carla got into the front of Toyota. “Where do I sit?” I asked. “Well, there isn’t room up here!” he says, pointing to the teaming masses swarming in the back. “Maybe I could sit on Carla’s lap.” I say using my best ‘5 year old, oh the poor orphan caretaker’ voice. Expecting to play upon their sympathies, I was shocked to get one of Jeff’s “what a dumb***” looks from Carla. From Carla!!! So, around to the back I slithered, trying my best to remember some of Jeff ‘Swahili’. I opened the door expecting the worst….I wasn’t disappointed. There, living and breathing as one organism were 10 self trained mzungu fighters. They had heard I was coming along and so were primed to do their best…..and they are darned good at it too. “Would you kind children mind if I came in and joined you?” I asked in my most “I’m one of you voices”. “Please come in” they said in unison, all smiles. But, I knew they had a plan….bait him in and when the door is shut, we make our move…..and so it went. I will spare you the details, as you might be eating or have small children of your own around. There was an upside for me. Being on the floor of Toyota, under the 10, the shock of the potholes was distributed evenly over my body. As a side note, I have notice that the more I travel the ‘roads’ here the more my skin seems to darken, especially in the places I had made rapid contact with parts of Toyota.
Ok, so we get to Kitale and go to an actual 21^st century shoe shop. They did have a guard outside for the riffraff, but I huddled inside the herd of kids and managed to get through. Inside, I overheard the clerks mumble something in Swahili under their breaths and began to fit shoes….it went something like this, “Kelvin, let’s measure your foot….ah good, you are a size 4, let’s try it on.” “Both of us?” Kelvin responds. “(more Swahili) No, just you….ah very good the other foot please. Why is it smaller…..oh,,,your other foot Kelvin, not yours Veronica.” And so it went. Later, after going through 6 or 7 clerks, Jeff laid down about $130.00 US (try that in the US for 10 pr nice leather shoes and 20 pr socks), and we filed out to the cheers of the clerks. Once, outside the guard noticed me and yelled, “Hey, how did you get in there?” “It’s OK” Jeff said, “he is the kid’s pet”. “They could do better” says the guard. And so goes the respect that I garner here. After going to the Kenyan Ferrier, we headed to another coffee shop so as not to ruin the relationship with English Lady, and had a ‘lunch’. Seeing that the kids were winding, down, Jeff grinned and said, “we need to go over to English Lady’s and get some ice cream…Babu will get away too lightly on the way home.”….Always thinking of my welfare! Once inside E L’s the kids began adding flavoring to their clothes while I talked to another mzungu. He turned out to know some things that I did not, like how to raise fish for food in this country. As he explained how to use tanks or ponds to raise the fish, I said it sounded like a considerable capital investment and by the way, would you be talking of edible fish?. “Yes” he says, “but what else can we do?” I said, “Look, most of the groundwork for ponds is already done. Have you considered waiting for the rainy season and using the potholes?” Looking at Jeff, who shrugged, he quietly excused himself, whispering something in Swahili. When I see him again, I have some more good ideas for his project.
Jump to arriving at the home. Though I was tired, bruised and pretty much done with ‘doing kids’, I had promised to help some of them do a wood project. So we went to the new saw and they watched as I cut out some parts for ‘airplanes’. I don’t know if they were really interested, or if they thought I’d sneak off…..which I would have, of course. After helping them put together the planes, they seemed content to wonder off……that is until they saw me carrying a couple of hand tools towards the big building. Me, “GO AWAY!!” Them, “We are going away with you.” Now I know why the CIA carries cyanide capsules. With 11 of us standing in one doorway, I managed to replace a lockset with a new one that didn’t work. But on the bright side, I was an experienced Kenyan lockset installer as I put the old one back in……the kids are beginning to capture Jeff’s ‘look’.
I didn’t think it was possible, but the day ended and I shucked the kids and retired to one of my secret places. You know….only I and 89 kids know where it is.