November 9,2011
Being and doing what you know God has called you to do is not always an easy thing. I am experiencing that fact today. This has been a total meltdown day for me. Tears most of the day. Feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to go home. Maybe a little like the Israelites and their being in the desert. Home looks mighty good to me today! Maybe it is the torrential and incessant rain that is here in the “dry” season.
The rain that makes it impossible to dry the kids clothes and forces them inside all day. The fact that they will probably have to go to bed in their dirty clothes again tonight. Maybe it is the fact that so many are sick with malaria and are having to go into the clinic everyday to get their injections to keep them from serious illness. Maybe it is the treacherous roads that because of all rain, make it impossible to even drive on them with the 4 wheel drive Toyota. Terry almost did not make it home from the clinic run today. He is not even going to attempt to take the “aunties” home tonite. Maybe it is the corruption of a government that is preventing food to be given to the many starving people here in Kenya. They let it rot in their storage units until it develops a fungus that is deadly if eaten and then have to burn it in secret in the dump. Maybe I am just physically and emotionally exhausted…..whatever the case, that is where I am today. Sounds pretty romantic being a “missionary” huh? Not to me, not today.
Now tomorrow will be a different story….I hope. I am going to “gird up my loins” and get on the with the tasks at hand. I have had a very understanding husband today and he has just held me and told me things will be better tomorrow. He just let me have a good cry. Sometimes a good cry is good for the soul…oh and chocolate! Chocolate is good for most things. So I will try and wake up tomorrow with a better attitude and know that it really is not all about me. It is about what God has in mind for these 106 little kids who have lost everything, but have gained a whole lot more…..people who care for and love them, safety from those who would do them harm, a warm place with plenty of food. Please remember how blessed you are!
Mom, I know how you feel! I pray that while you sleep tonight (or while you slept by the time you get this) that God will sing over you and restore your hope for the new day. "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs" (Zeph. 3:17).
ReplyDeleteOnes emotional bucket can get tapped out quickly in a place like Kenya. May her bucket be refilled and refreshed with His great joy and strength.
ReplyDelete"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me". Philippians 4:13
"The Joy of the Lord Is Your Strength". Nehemiah 8-9
Fill her up Lord~ to the top and overflowing!
I can't speak for everyone, Sandi, but God never lets me get too comfortable. I'm constatly dealing his road blocks. I think it's to keep me humble and aware of just how good we have it in this country. I was feeling pretty good about going on vacation to Hawaii until you told me how much people live on in Kenya. I tried to enjoy myself and relax, but I was constantly thinking about how much good that money could do in Kenya. You are so loved by so many. I hope you wake up with a smile today.
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